i leave crumbs in the butter because i hate my family
when mcdonalds accidentally gives you an extra chicken nugget
(Source: precumming)
(Source: telling-truths-to-the-world)
Lost in New York? The streets are numbered! How’d you get lost in New York? I know it’s kind of stupid to complain about a movie that came out 17 years ago, but I wasn’t a comedian back then, so I have to do it now. I wish I’d been. I wish I’d been a Def Jam comic when that movie came out. I would have torn it to pieces.
(Source: cleanwhitekeds)
i just remembered that in middle school there was a kid named “Ugonna” in my lunch and everytime he bought pizza i was like “ugonna eat that?????” and i guess i was kinda harassing him so he told the principal and the principal made me buy him a pizza for harassment and the next day i was like “ugonna pay me back?” and thats the story of how i almost got stabbed with a plastic fork
You live up to your URL. I like you.
I’m dying omg
(Source: iraffiruse)




